7 Questions to help start the “funeral talk”
Published on Thu Apr 11 2019 in Community
Making plans for your own funeral is still somewhat uncommon in New Zealand. As of 2017, only about five per cent of Kiwis have made any arrangements.1 Often, people are hesitant to bring up the subject for fear of how their family might react.
Death and dying are sensitive subjects for some people. Depending on your culture or family dynamic, these types of discussions may be viewed as off limits. This can be disappointing or even frustrating for those who want to have important discussions about things like end-of-life care, Wills or the cost of a funeral.
In these cases, asking your family questions might help open the conversation. These can be direct or indirect, depending on what you feel loved ones will respond to better. Here are seven questions to help get you started.
1. Have you ever thought about what your funeral might look like?
Asking your loved ones about their funeral ideas could give you an opening to voice your own preferences, plans or concerns. This is a more direct question, so it may not work for everyone. But if you feel that your family is fairly open to the idea of pre-planning a funeral, this may be a good place to start.
2. What do you hope people will remember you for?
If you need a subtler way to start the conversation, a question like this might be the way to go. Thinking about the legacy you hope to leave behind could be a good way to discuss the tone of your service. For example, if you hope people will remember your great sense of humour, then you may want a celebration of life “party” rather than a somber service.
3. What song would you like people to think about when they think about you?
Sometimes people have very specific requests for their funeral service, such as playing their favourite song or reading a meaningful poem aloud. Asking your family to pick their personal “theme song” could be a good way to bring this request up. It might also give them an idea of the tone you hope your service has.
4. Are you an organ donor?
How your body is handled after you pass away might be very important to you. Whatever your preference is, it’s important to let your family know. They’ll need to agree to organ or whole-body donation when the time comes. This discussion could also help prevent them from making irreversible decisions, such as cremating your remains.
5. What would you want written on your tombstone?
This question is another way to start talking about the tone of your funeral and maybe even how you’d like your remains handled. You may want your funeral to be short and sweet, with a inscription on the headstone to match. Or, you may not want a grave at all. Scattering your ashes in a favourite spot might be more your style.
6. After you pass away, what do you hope your family’s life will be like?
It can be tough to think about what might happen to your family after you’re gone. But, life will go on, and your passing could mean big changes for loved ones. This type of question is one way to let them know about any life insurance policies you’ve taken out. It may even prompt them to get their own cover or review an existing policy.
7. Have you considered how your family will pay for your funeral?
Funerals can be expensive. In New Zealand, they can range up to $10,000 or more2—that’s a lot of money to come up with, often on short notice! Asking this question could help your family get a better understanding of how much the funeral you want may cost. It could also be a good way to share if you’ve made any financial arrangements, such as taking out funeral insurance.
Funerals can be an uncomfortable topic for many people. However, you may have good reasons for wanting to talk over your own funeral plans with close family. Whether it’s financial concerns or hoping to remove some of the planning stress from their shoulders, starting this conversation could help clear up any confusion or provide everyone with some peace of mind.
1. FDANZ, Saving for your funeral is important to remember in Money Week
2. Consumer NZ, Funerals
About Author: Momentum Life is a leading provider of Life insurance and Funeral insurance in New Zealand.
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