The fascinating history of the diamond engagement ring
Published on Wed Feb 13 2019 in Community
For many of us, the road to marriage begins with a proposal. Asking someone to marry you is a big deal, an event we often want to yell from the rooftops as soon as they’ve said “Yes!” Since this is typically frowned upon, most Kiwi women show their commitment in a quieter way: by wearing a diamond engagement ring.
A diamond ring is such a fundamental part of getting engaged in New Zealand, that you may be surprised to learn that it’s a fairly new tradition. Popping the question with a diamond wasn’t always how things were done!
Ancient history
The practice of men presenting their betrothed with a ring prior to the wedding can be traced back to ancient Rome (though the tradition may be even older).1 Roman brides-to-be were actually given two engagement rings—a gold one to wear in public and an iron one to wear around the home. That way, she could perform household chores without fear of damaging the more valuable token.
Other cultures also exchanged simple bands before marriage, but royalty often made a bigger show of their engagements. In 1477, Mary of Burgundy was given what may be the first diamond engagement ring by Archduke Maximilian of Austria.2 This helped boost the popularity of diamonds at a time when stones such as emeralds, rubies and sapphires were preferred.
However, precious stones were still too expensive for most people. Simple rings of silver or gold dominated engagement jewelry—if they were given at all. Women were sometimes gifted a thimble by their fiancé, or the couple broke a piece of silver or gold and each kept half to symbolise their promise to marry.3
A flood of diamonds
Engagement rings as we know them didn’t come into style until very recently. The discovery of diamonds in South Africa in the 1860s meant more of these precious stones started entering the market. But this was a problem. Diamond engagement rings were still only popular with nobility, and even lower prices weren’t enough to make everyone else want them.
To solve this problem, jeweler De Beers created a marketing campaign to help sell the public on diamonds. Their famous slogan – “A diamond is forever” – was coined in 1938 to help boost sales.4 The company paired this with an all-out diamond blitz in the media. Movie stars and socialites were photographed wearing giant, sparkling rings, with tabloids specifically asked to write about the size of the diamond.
At the same time, advertisements began educating the public on “the four Cs” (cut, clarity, colour and carat weight). Lecturers visited American high schools to convince young women that a diamond engagement ring was what their beau should propose with. Men were advised that they should spend at least “one month’s wages” on a ring before popping the question.
Taking the trend worldwide
All the hype paid off. Diamonds quickly became the standard when it came to engagement rings. Before 1940, only 10 per cent of American engagement rings had a diamond. By 1990, it was closer to 80 per cent.4
Similar trends took off in other Western countries, including New Zealand and Australia. In 2011, the average Kiwi groom spent $4,000 on his fiancée’s ring.5 We’ve even become a go-to destination for bespoke wedding jewelry for people around the world.6
Diamond engagement rings have also taken off in Asia. Marketing campaigns during the 1960s helped make these sparklers a must-have for Japanese brides-to-be. Today, their popularity is on the rise in China, with 31 per cent of first-time brides receiving a diamond ring in 2010.4
But this diamond obsession hasn’t caught on with everyone. In South America, both men and women wear engagement rings on their right hand, but they’re still more likely to be a simple gold or silver band than diamond encrusted bling.7 The 1980s saw the invention of engagement rings for men, but these so-called “mangagement rings” quickly fizzled.
Using gems other than diamonds in engagement rings is also gaining popularity. This can be partly traced to famous brides, such as the Duchess of Cambridge, who sports a sapphire. Many couples are also concerned about dangerous or exploitative mining practices (“blood diamonds”), or simply want to set themselves apart from everyone else.
Who really owns the ring?
Whether your engagement ring is a diamond or not, there’s one question people often ask: Who does the engagement ring really belong to?
Traditionally, the ring was the woman’s property. It was seen as compensation, just in case the man decided to break off the engagement. This might limit or outright ruin her future marriage prospects, so a valuable piece of jewelry could be sold to help her family.
But as times have changed, so has engagement ring etiquette. Rings are now considered conditional gifts and should be returned to the man—no matter who calls off the engagement. This question even reached Australian courts in 2009. A reluctant bride-to-be tossed out her engagement ring and was ordered to pay her former fiancé its value.8
However, the law may not always be so clear. If you plan to propose on a date known for giving and receiving pressies—like Christmas, Valentine’s Day or someone’s birthday—the ring could be considered an unconditional gift. Even if the wedding is called off, the lady could get to keep the bauble.
Hopefully, you’ll never need to worry about who really owns your engagement ring, but it’s interesting to see how our relationship to this piece of jewelry has changed in less than 100 years!
A happy start
The diamond engagement ring is a part of many Kiwi weddings. It’s a symbol of a couple’s love and devotion, and a promise of a lifetime of happiness together. Whether you’re giving or receiving one, it is no doubt a special gift that you’ll treasure for years to come!
Are you getting married soon? You may want to have “the money conversation” with your partner!
1. Britannica Concise Encyclopedia, Ring
2. Jewelrymaking Through History: An Encyclopedia, Diamonds
3. Mental Floss, Why Engagement Rings Are Made With Diamonds
4. The Atlantic, How an Ad Campaign Invented the Diamond Engagement Ring
5. NZ Herald, Rings – the bigger the better
6. Vogue, Meet the cult New Zealand jewellery label making pieces for the non-conformist bride
7. SBS, Marriage proposal customs from around the world
8. Stuff.co.nz, Engagement ring etiquette
About Author: Momentum Life is a leading provider of Life insurance and Funeral insurance in New Zealand.
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