How to avoid family headaches during the holidays

Published on Mon Dec 2 2019 in Family

The Christmas and summer holidays are often filled with fun and adventure. It may also be the time of year when you see your family the most. Whether you’re traveling to them or inviting them into your home, these visits can sometimes be stressful.

As much as we love our families, they can also get under our skin! Unwelcome surprises, well-meaning advice and clashing personalities can sometimes make this time of year less joyous than we’d like. Even if your family gets along well, there’s still a chance of disagreements happening or feelings getting hurt.

Preparing for family visits over the holidays might mean more than packing a suitcase or making up the guest bedroom. You may also need a game plan to help conversations go smoothly (or as smoothly as they possibly can). 

Be polite

Words like “please” and “thank you” can really go a long way. It may seem like simple advice, but it never hurts to go back to the basics.

It can be easy to take family for granted, no matter how often you see them throughout the year. Being kind and courteous is always welcome. A genuine thank you for a Christmas pressie or help with the dishes will likely be appreciated.

This can extend to things like giving sincere compliments or offering to help others with chores or errands. Politeness can help break the ice and maybe encourage others to act the same—both children and adults.

Keep conversations light

Family members don’t always see eye to eye. The holiday spirit might make it easier to forget your differences, but it won’t magically bring you to agreement on some tough issues.

If you’re worried about heated debates ruining everyone’s day, it’s probably best to keep your chats as light as possible. Pick some safe topics to talk about ahead of time and try leading the conversation with them. If all else fails, break out a party game or a deck of cards—playing together could help you avoid tense topics and loosen up.

Choose your battles

You might be acting polite and trying to stick to safe conversation starters, but there may be a family member or two who isn’t following your lead. They may be passionate about their beliefs, or maybe they’re just having a bad day. Whatever their reasons, it’s probably not worth it to take their bait.

Choosing your battles may be especially important during family gatherings or Christmas visits. A big argument could spoil the fun for everyone, not just those directly involved. Before engaging, think about everyone else first.

It may be hard, but sometimes it’s best to just ignore a comment. If that’s not possible, politely changing the subject may work. Simply replying with “That’s an interesting point”, before moving to another topic could help the speaker take the hint that this is a conversation for another day.

Encourage one-on-one time with the kids

Children can be excellent distractions at family events! Adults tend to be on their best behaviour in front of the littlies, who are often happy to bask in all the extra attention and holiday fun.

Encourage your family to spend one-on-one time with your kids during these visits. At the very least, it could help take some of the pressure to entertain off your shoulders. Grandparents, uncles and aunts may be happy to take the children out for a day at the beach, an afternoon at the park or to the shops for a treat. This short break may be exactly what you need to reset and get back in the Christmas spirit.

However, be mindful of your children’s feelings as well. They may need time to unwind just as much as you! Give them permission to take breaks from family activities, whether that’s going out with friends or just some quiet time alone in their room.

Try to include everyone’s traditions

Every family has their own holiday traditions that they’ve created or passed down over the years. As yours grows and changes, it’s important to remember that this is a special time for many people from different backgrounds, cultures or faiths.

No matter who’s home you’re in, it’s important to make sure everyone feels included. This may mean blending some of your in-laws, spouse’s or other family member’s traditions with your own. Of course, you’re just as likely to create some new traditions too! Both moves can help strengthen family bonds and form special memories that everyone can share.

Find ways to minimise stress

You might try all the tips above and still feel stressed over holiday family visits. Sometimes all you can do is practice a bit of self-care to help make it through this time.

When family comes to town (or you travel to them), your normal routine will likely be upended. Keeping to it as much as you can could help ease your stress. Try to maintain your normal sleep schedule, as well as other everyday activities like going for a morning run, an afternoon cup of tea or reading time before bed.

Having a lifeline outside of the family could also help. Discreetly calling or texting a friend to vent or share a laugh might make it easier to deal with difficult family members or situations. Even taking a break by going on a walk or running some errands alone could do wonders for your mood!

Happy Holidays!

Christmas is a time of joy, but our families don’t always make it easy to enjoy this time of year. No matter who you’re spending the summer with, keeping the peace may help the days go by faster and leave everyone with happier memories.

Looking for more ways to make Christmas extra merry and bright? Try these four ways to focus on what’s really important this time of year.

 

About Author: Momentum Life is a leading provider of Life insurance and Funeral insurance in New Zealand.

 

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